Silence.
Exhale.
Silence.
Inhale.
Apart from her
breathing her world was silence.
She'd once seen
those eyes in her earlier life. The eyes of doctors who hadn't given
up but were too worried to answer straight.
He might not
make it. Ulf, stay with me!
Tomorrow was
school, and after school a photo shoot. She'd skip both. Normally the
penalty for bunking could be quite harsh, but she doubted anyone
would dare doing anything to her now.
Coming down on
the girlfriend at hospital when you don't know if the boyfriend will
survive. No one would do that. Christina shook her head. I did
that. Crap what a disgusting person I was!
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Cause she had.
When she was the Billion Dollar Empress, and he hadn't survived.
It didn't matter
that the boyfriend in question had it coming with drug-dealing and
burglaries on the territory of another gang. Not even Christina was
out of the loop enough not to know that was suicidal in Paris.
It still didn't
matter, because the teenage model was a wreck and could have used
some help instead of being slammed by the hammer of God Almighty from
Chag.
Shit, I really
did an awful thing. Is this my punishment?
Five hours. Five
hours since they rushed Ulf inside the ICU.
She hated being
this helpless, being this scared, being this lonely.
Inhale.
Silence.
Exhale.
Silence.
Five hours and
two minutes.
Unable to contain
her fears Christina finally slid from her chair and collapsed on the
floor. She was alone in the waiting room, so at least she had her
dignity intact for whatever that was worth.
Outside the
hospital her bodyguard stood waiting. Maybe he should have been
inside with her, but he was just as human as she, and for once he
gave her some time alone. Did she want it? Did she need it? Christina
didn't know, couldn't know, with her mind a jumble of fear, self
disgust and scattered memories.
Do I still
deserve friends?
She threw a
glance at the clock on the wall. Another minute.
Behind her
glimmers from the Tokyo half night reflected in the windows like
stars never seen here where real darkness was shunned more than
anywhere else in the world. Man made constellations replaced those
she knew from her childhood. Memories from another life and another
world, memories somehow shared with the man she was slowly losing.
If he lived or
not wouldn't change that. For ever day they grew closer together and
for every day they grew closer to the moment when their bond would
break. Waiting in the hospital only made that fear much more
immediate.
With a shake of
her head Christina forced that thought away. It wasn't entirely true.
If Ulf died she'd lose it all, but if their love broke she still had
a chance to repair their friendship enough to at least share memories
of that love.
I don't want
to live alone again. Was that too selfish as wish? Maybe, but she
didn't care.
Christina put her
hands to the floor and got up on her feet. A bit further down the
corridor she saw a vending machine. Exchanging a few coins for
something to drink should kill a few more minutes, and she was
desperate to make time pass.
Funny that.
These could be the last moments Ulf is with me, and I just want them
to go away.
She put another
copper coin into the machine and watched a range of buttons light up.
Soda or tea? She made the adult choice and picked tea. Almost
immediately she regretted it. Alone in the corridor she wanted to
pretend to be child again. That way she wouldn't be as involved,
wouldn't carry as much responsibility for what had happened.
Christina, you
never ran away from your fears before, she admonished herself.
And that was a lie she knew. During her modelling career she had done
just that several times. After she created her Billion Dollar Empress
persona, less so.
The cold tea
tasted more bitter than she remembered. October in a hospital
corridor wasn't really the place for a summer's drink. She grimaced
and gulped down some more. She didn't need to quench her thirst, only
to kill time. Every mouthful of tea left more seconds behind her, and
seconds became minutes.
She blinked away
tears of fear and brushed down her soiled clothes. Once or twice on
her way here she must have tripped, but she couldn't remember when.
Once or twice since she abandoned her promise to Ulf, that she'd make
the impossible come true and deliver a festival they'd both be proud
of.
Why is that
important at all right now? It's just a stupid school event. And
yet it was important, because it was a promise she had broken.
Another promise she had broken.
A few more steps
brought her back to the chair that had been her home since she came
here. She sat down and buried her face in her hands.
Seconds passed,
became minutes just as she wanted while she fought to control her
fears and waited. From time to time a nurse came by, gave her a
worried look and vanished again. Christina waited until the five
hours became six and a mechanical hiss announced that an elevator had
arrived at her floor.
She looked in the
direction from where running steps came closer. Two dark shapes
revealed their school uniforms and within seconds Ko-chan and Yukio
stood by her side.
“How is he?”
Ko-chan asked.
“I don't know,”
Christina said. Her world blurred until Ko-chan and Yukio became dark
shapes again. “I don't know!”
She felt Ko-chan
sitting down beside her and when her best friend enveloped her in a
panicked embrace Christina finally broke down in hulking sobs.
“I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.”
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