It was broken.
Ko-chan had just
given her honmei chocolate to Yukio when Christina caught up with her
outside 6:1.
Oh, Ko-chan, I
hope you'll forgive me.
Lunch-break. Both
of them had already finished distributing stupid amounts of giri
chocolate, and both of them had received happy grins in return.
The only cloud on
Cristina's mission was that Noriko refused to take any part in it. As
soon as they reached school after the sleepover, Noriko gave her a
glare and rushed away to meet Nao-kun. No matter where Christina went
Noriko avoided her, and now she didn't have the heart to tell Ko-chan
why their friend always had an errand whenever they met.
This is it,
Christina thought before
entering 6:1.
“Only Urufu's
left then?” Ko-chan grinned and winked at her. “Yours and mine.” And the grin turned outright mischievous, telling Christina that
Kyoko was perfectly aware of the duplicity in her words.
Christina smiled
at Ko-chan. She was in for a nasty surprise, that was certain, but a
witness from their class was probably a good idea. There would be
rumours aplenty anyway. She started digging in her bag for the
chocolate. A feeling of uneasiness spread in her.
It was broken.
Can I do this?
Christina drew a deep breath and looked at Ko-chan's worried look
before pulling the door open. I
have to, she thought and
let the air out of her lungs. Her introductory question sailed along
with it: “Is U-kun present?”
Quite a few of
the students in Ulf's classroom turned at the sound of her familiar
voice. At least this last
time I want him to be U-kun in public.
She could hear them smiling and chuckling at the overly familiar
nickname she had used.
“Over here!”
It always felt odd hearing him talk to her in Japanese, but for this
meeting it was needed. Absolutely needed.
She navigated the
desks to where he was seated. “I have something for you to eat.”
A few wolf
whistles flew through the air.
“Dark and
sweet?”
“Dark and
bitter, as you like it,” she answered. It's
like playing out an act. I don't want this, but I have to.
“Then I'll
accept,” he grinned back at her.
Ulf's classmates
had gathered in a circle to watch the Valentine spectacle
orchestrated by what was probably the most famous couple in school.
And now for
the twist end. “Here
you are,” she said and brought out the cheap, store bought
chocolate. “Thank you for being there for me since summer.”
It was broken.
She heard sharp
gasps of surprise around them. She saw something die in his eyes.
It took him a few
seconds to recover from the recoil. “Thank you for allowing me to
stand by your side. I wish you the best of futures,” Ulf answered.
He understood.
She loved him so much. Too much. She was suffocating them both.
Strangled their love. She had to break up before it died. She was a
coward. The lowest of the low.
I don't want
this! Christina took a
step, inside his arms, and hugged him close. She buried her face in
his hair to hide her tears. I
didn't love you enough to stay, but I'm still afraid of losing you.”
Never cease to be my
friend, U-kun. Please!” Soon all of her would be a crying mess.
The surprised
murmur around them grew louder.
“U-kun, I hope
you'll find a better girl than me. Let me know and I'll tell her what
a wonderful man you are.” The words came out thick with emotion.
Each of them hurt like fire inside her.
“I hope you
find a man to make you happy, Ina.”
Oh how I love
when he calls me that!
“Tell me if he
doesn't understand and I'll beat some sense into him.” The last
words reached her mixed together with Ulf's laughter.
How can you
laugh right now? No you're not laughing. Your tears just sound like
laughter.
It
was broken.
Then he stepped
out of their embrace and took her face between his hands. His eyes
were wonderful as always, and so infinitely sad.
Is this the
last time I can watch that beautiful, twisted smile this close?
“As a friend, I
love you.” They had spoken together. There wasn't anything more to
say.
He let go of her
and she staggered backwards.
I would have
been happy to live with you for the rest of my life. Isn't that what
love is? I would marry you, cherish you, sleep with you and wake with
you. With you I would even carry children.
She forced
herself to take yet another step backwards. It was as if she couldn't
let go of his face with her eyes. And another step backwards. And
another one. But it had to end. She turned and dashed out of the
classroom, not even bothering to hide the tears that ran from her
eyes, or the racking sobs that left her as anguished cries each time
her feet hit the floor.
It was broken.
Behind her she
heard Ko-chan shouting after her as she tried to catch up.
“Kuri-chan!”
She had to get
away, and just metres away the door to their old club room stood
ajar. Christina threw herself into the opening and pulled the door
closed. A click told her the lock snapped shut.
Who?
Under the
windows, leaning against the wall, Noriko sat with a blanket in her
lap. She was crying, her small body shaking when she reached out with
her arms.
“Why? Why you
stupid girl? He loves you so very much.”
Christina didn't
say anything. She just fell to her knees and hugged her friend. “Because he loves me that much,” she murmured. She wasn't sure
Noriko had heard, but it didn't matter. With what she hoped was a
grateful smile she took the blanket from Noriko's hand, and after
that she crawled on hands and knees to the closest corner in the
room.
No one else could
see her like this. Not even Ko-chan.
It was broken.
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